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Presentation does matter. No matter what the reality is.

2 females were chatting in the office..

Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes & fell asleep in 2 minutes. How was yours?

 Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!





At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..



Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep. What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour & when we got home we remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!


 Moral: Presentation does matter. No matter what the reality is.

10 Selected Mother Teresa Quotes

Mother Teresa

26 August 1910 – 5 September 1997

#1 Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies. 

#2 I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much. 

 #3 Peace begins with a smile. 

#4 Do not think that love, in order to be genuine, has to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without being tired. 

 #5 Love is a fruit in season at all times, and in reach of every hand. 

#6 If you judge people, you have no time to love them. 

#7 I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. 

#8 If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. 

#9 Loneliness is the most terrible poverty. 

#10 We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.

Top 10 Chuck Norris Facts

Here is the List of Top 10 Chuck Norris Facts


 #1. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

 #2. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

 #3. When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

 #4. Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

 #5. Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

 #6. Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

 #7. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

 #8. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

 #9. Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

#10. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

43 THINGS A GIRL WISHED HER BOYFRIEND KNEW !!

#1 When you break her heart, the pain never really goes away.


#2 When she misses you, she's hurting inside.

#3 When she says it's over, she still wants you to be hers.

#4 When she walks away from you mad, follow her.

#5 When she stares at your mouth, kiss her.

#6 When she pushes or hits you, grab her tight & don't let her go.

#7 When she starts cursing at you, kiss her and tell her you love her.

#8 When she ignores you, give her your attention.

#9 When she pulls away, pull her back.

#10 When you see her at her worst, tell her she's beautiful.

#11 When you see her crying, just hold her and don't say a word.

#12 When you see her walking, sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

#13 When she's scared, protect her.

#14 When she lays her head on your shoulder, tilt her head up and kiss her.

#15 When she steals your favourite jacket, let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

#16 When she teases you, tease her back and make her laugh.

#17 When she doesn't answer for a long time, reassure her that everything is okay.

#18 When she looks at you with doubt, back yourself up with the truth.

#19 When she says that she likes you, she really does more than you could understand.

#20 When she grabs your hands, hold hers and play with her fingers.

#21 When she bumps into you, bump into her back and make her laugh.

#22 When she tells you a secret, keep it safe and untold.

#23 When she looks at you in your eyes, don’t look away until she does.

#24 Stay on the phone with her even if she’s not saying anything.

#25 Don't let her have the last word.

#26 Don't call her hot, but gorgeous or beautiful is so much better.

#27 Say you love her more than she could ever love you.

#28 Argue that she is the best girl ever.

#29 When she's mad, hug her tight and don't let go.

#30 When she says she's OK, don’t believe it, talk to her about it, because 10 yrs later she'll still remember it.

#31 Call her at 12:00am on special occasions to tell her you love her.

#32 Call her before you sleep and after you wake up.

#33 Treat her like she's all that matters to you.

#34 Don't ignore her when she's out with you and your friends.

#35 Stay up all night with her when she's sick.

#36 Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.

#37 Let her into your world.

#38 Let her wear your clothes.

#39 When she's bored and sad, hang out with her

#40 Let her know she's important.

#41 Kiss her in the pouring rain.

#42 When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is; "Who's ass am I kicking today baby?"

#43 After she reads this, she hopes one day you'd read it too.

6 things you need to learn from a tree

1. Stand tall and Be proud.

2. Go out on a limb.

3. Remember your roots.

4. Drink plenty of water.

5. Be content with your natural beauty.

6. Enjoy the view.

Lady at doctor's

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband’s temper and threatening manner.


The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?

The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me around."

The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!

How does the water do that?"

The Doctor says: "The water doesn’t do anything - it's keeping your mouth shut that does the trick."

He is the one shaving you

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."

 The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes. 

The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room." She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that. 

The cowboy said, "Tell him your working overtime and I'll pay you the difference." 

She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.

When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

“What seems to be the problem?”
The wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!”

The husband scratched his head and replied…
“I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

we melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States

A Canadian man was in a diner having coffee and croissants with butter and jam when an American man chewing gum sat down next to him.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"
The Canadian replied, "Of course."
The American blew a huge bubble. "We don't. In the States we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,recycle them,transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada."

The American had a smirk on his face. "D'ya eat jelly with the bread?"
The Canadian replied, "Of course."
The American cracked his gum between his teeth. "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast. We put all the peels,seeds and leftovers into a container, recycle and transform them into jam and sell it to Canada."

The Canadian asked, "Do you have sex in the States?"
The American replied, "Of course we do."
The Canadian asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

The American replied, "We throw them away of course."
Then the Canadian smiled. "We don't. In Canada we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to the United States."

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are

A soldier stationed in Afghanistan recently received a letter from his girlfriend back home.


It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love,
Becky

The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters or ex-girlfriends.

In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.There were 57 photos in that envelope.... along with this note:


 
Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the hell you are.Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back tome.

Take Care,
Ricky